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Big Girls Are Sexy Too

Cannie Shapiro is overweight and her size makes her feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. When she goes to the beach she covers the rolls with a sarong. Sounds familiar, we are conditioned to think that thin is beautiful and fat should be hidden.

At the beginning of the book we hear that 28 year old Cannie is a journalist, writes a column about the famous for the Philadelphia Examiner. She had ended her 3 year relationship with writer Bruce Gruberman 3 months earlier by saying that she wanted a break. She is fine with that until she picks up a copy of Moxie, a popular women's magazine. There she reads an article by new columnist Bruce called Loving A Larger Woman.

The first sentence of the article says: 'I'll never forget the day I found out my girlfriend weighed more than I did'. He goes on to let the readers know that he never thought of himself as a chubby chaser. Cruel you think until you read further and see that he understands that her hefty 5' 10" well covered body makes her feel bad when really to him big is beautiful. He ends the article by saying:

'Loving a larger woman is an act of courage in this world, and maybe it's even an act of futility. Because, in loving C., I knew I was loving someone who didn't believe that she herself was worthy of anyone's love. And now that it's over, I don't know where to direct my anger and sorrow. At a world that made her feel the way she did about her body - no, herself - and whether she was desirable. At C., for not being strong enough to overcome what the world told her. Or at myself, for not loving C. enough to make her believe in herself'.

I included those sentences from the book because they struck a chord with me. Some people can live happily with being overweight but for many every extra pound means miserable self-consciousness and guilt trips - straight to the kitchen cupboard usually! The bigger you get the less desirable you feel and you start to believe that is the way that others perceive you. I wondered if any of my partners had thought loving me an act of courage at the times in my life that I've been overweight.

Cannie is very hurt that Bruce could discuss her size with the huge readership of the magazine. She knows that people who know her will read the article and realize that it's about her. Cannie cries her heart out, gets drunk and cries a lot more. She rings Bruce in anger but then ends up missing him and wishing that she hadn't ended the relationship.

Her mother Ann calls round to Cannie's flat to offer her comfort and advice. Not welcome because she has a problem with her mother. Ann came out of the closet in her mid fifties and is living with Tanya who Cannie resents too much to give her a chance to get to know her properly. Cannie's father a plastic surgeon who was very critical of her, walked out on the family when she was twelve. He disappeared from her life leaving her with much insecurity about herself.

Her only consolation is her little dog Nifkin, named after a naughty part of the male anatomy. Nifkin had never really got on with Bruce - dogs know you know. Before the article Cannie and Nifkin were drifting along quite happily, but suddenly her life was in turmoil and her insecurities came to a fore. She tries to get her life back on track by deciding that she wants to get back with Bruce, pesters him with phone calls which he always ends and becomes increasingly distant. She blames her size on a lot of her misfortunes and decides to join a fat clinic where some humor is introduced.

Good In Bed is described as 'wildly funny and surprisingly tender' on the front cover. I have to disagree with it being wildly funny. I found the book amusing in parts but never found myself laughing out loud. I grinned when I read about Cannie going to a New York hotel to interview film star Maxi. The interview was canceled by an over zealous agent who was afraid that Cannie would ask awkward questions that would expose the real Maxi to her fans. She got her interview after a touching meeting in the ladies toilets and a drunken girlie night out where the over protected film star was allowed to be herself for once and not act like the image built up for her.

Surprisingly tender, yes it is. The story is set over a year and each month a new article appears to hurt Cannie. She reads how Bruce misses her but then gets a blow-by-blow account of how he moves on. I found the book true to life in that I could identify with the emotional turmoil felt at the end of a long-term relationship. You end things for the right reasons and are jogging along quite happily with your life then a few weeks or months down the line something happens or you suddenly miss your ex partner and put yourself through the emotional grinder wondering if you made the right decision. Usually you have but sometimes you have a re-run just to make sure. Will Cannie? I'm not telling.

I enjoyed reading Good In Bed but I found it an interesting read rather than compelling. I was able to put it down easily but always looked forward to reading a bit more the next night. Perfect for me when I am tired and just want to read a little to help me relax before going to sleep. There isn't tons of sex as the title and front cover might suggest, but that would have spoiled the book for me anyway. Instead of finding it wildly funny I found it an amusing, thoughtful read. It was well written enough for me to be able to visualize Cannie's world and understand her feelings and turmoil while she comes to terms with everything that is happening around her.

The ending was unexpected but it wasn't one of those books where you are trying to figure out the outcome from word go. It is a story that takes you through a period of lots of big and unexpected changes in Cannie's life and you learn how she deals with them. Not always well but it's nice to read about somebody who isn't perfect - just like the rest of us.

Notable Sussex Women

Think of some famous women who worked in Sussex in the 19th or early 20th centuries. I bet you're thinking about someone like Virginia Woolf, or Catherine Cookson. Can you name the Gaiety Girl who became an MP? The white woman who led a protest march of 20 000 black Africans? The heiress who gave away £12m? The rally driver who beat Stirling Moss? Thought not.

In 19th Century England, there were women working in most walks of life. Working class women did whatever they could to raise the money to feed their families and were paid scandalously little for their efforts. Middle and upper class women were involved in a far wider range of occupations but it was not 'nice' for them to accept payment and they rarely got the credit or respect a man doing the same work would have expected.

We tend to forget what a long way women have come in a short time. Although there are quite a few famous women whose deeds date from before the 20th century, there are far more who were the 'movers and shakers' of their time and yet have been forgotten.

This is not the first book Helena Wojtczak has written on this subject and she says that, when she was researching her previous books ('Women of Victorian Sussex' - a social history, and 'Railway Women') it struck her that town monuments and records offices all had their lists of local worthies displayed proudly, and that there were remarkably few women on those lists. This realisation was, at least in part, the inspiration for 'Notable Sussex Women'. By unearthing and recording details of some of these forgotten women, and giving them a well-deserved place amongst the more famous names of their era, Helena Wojtczak has gone a good way towards redressing the balance.

As well as 580 biographical sketches, there are some fabulous photos in this book. It is a rewarding book to own as a coffee-table book for Sunday morning browsing as well as being a candidate for local historians' reference shelves. But for me personally, what makes it irresistible is the collection of quotes, poems and polemics by women from the last two centuries who knew a woman's place all to well and had a fair deal to say about it. Here are some choice ones...

The philosophers seem to know that hard work never unsexes a woman: only wages can do that - Mrs Swisshelm

Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

A blank wall of social and professional antagonism faces the woman physician that forms a situation of singular and painful loneliness, leaving her without support, respect or professional counsel. - Dr Elizabeth Blackwell.

Battered Women

Walker's interviews with battered women are disturbing. Some of the incidents are graphic; some are detestable; and all are difficult to imagine. Yet, it happens. Statistics show that hundreds of women kill their batterers every year in self-defense. But there are many more incidents that are never reported.

What role do our social institutions play in preventing a woman from reporting these brutal attacks? Let's begin with law enforcement. It is clear that some domestic disturbance calls are not handled by the police as it should be. They do not seem to want to get involved in these kinds of disputes. They visit the home, talk to the couple and, unless the wife wishes to file charges, they leave.

More often than not, the wife will not file charges. She is so fearful of the consequences that she will instead make excuses for her husband if there is any hint of locking him away. Such was the case of Tracey Thurman, a Connecticut housewife, who was brutally stabbed and beaten by her husband, and left a quadriplegic.

She filed a lawsuit against the Connecticut Police Department and, as a result, the Thurman Law was enacted. This law requires police to treat a domestic disturbance call with the same care and seriousness that any other violent crime is treated.

However, society's apathy towards the battered woman extends far beyond our social institutions. It really begins in the family unit. Dr. Susan Forward authored a book entitled "Men Who Hate Women and The Women Who Love Them." In it, she clarifies through interviews with batterers, the reasoning behind this monstrous behavior. She describes the batterer as a "misogynist" or woman-hater.

Lenore Walker outlines the "Cycle Theory of Violence" in her book. This theory explains the three phases of battery.

Phase One is the "Tension Building Stage" and begins with "minor incidents" in which the battered woman assumes blame and re-adjusts her thinking to avoid any future confrontations. The battered woman justified the batterer's actions by internalizing her own actions and how she may have prevented the incident.

Phase Two is the "Acute Battering Incident," which is described as "all out rage" on the part of the batterer. Since he felt he was able to get away with Phase One or that it was readily accepted by his partner, the batterer feels he has permission to escalate his attacks. These attacks tend to be more brutal over a shorter period of time. It is during this stage that the psychological damage to the woman is ore severe. It leaves her helpless, hopeless, and terrified.

Phase Three is "Kindness and Contrite Loving Behavior" which manifests itself by the batterer by asking forgiveness and promising that it will never happen again. The batterer overextends himself by doing anything he can to make up for the pain he caused.

A woman usually forgives the batterer because, in the case of an isolated incident, she re-adjusts her own mindset so that she does not set him off again. She accepts his gifts and his promises. All is forgiven, right? Wrong!

Before too long, the batterer begins the cycle all over again until the woman has become totally desensitized. She has lost all sense of identity, control, herself. The cycle becomes a routine, a ritual. Thus, as long as there are batterers; there will be victims.

Bacterial Vaginosis Freedom

Bacterial vaginosis can be the bane of your life. If you have ever suffered from this condition you'll know what I'm talking about! Just take a look on popular women's health forums and you'll find that posts for BV (bacterial vaginosis) have an enormous amount of viewings and replies.

So what exactly do you get? The eBook itself is well presented, and has 68 pages. It is written by someone who was a chronic sufferer of BV and has found a cure. You can read the eBook and digest all the information in a couple of hours, depending on how fast you can read. There's no nonsense fill in bits - it's all good information. The aim of the eBook is to cure BV using 3 steps in 3 days. Alas, I'm not able to spill all the beans and tell you the cure - that would be a little unfair and besides would probably result in this review being taken off the internet!

What I can tell you more or less are the contents. The eBook has 4 chapters. The first chapter goes through the specific symptoms and what can cause BV. Elena Peterson has tried many "cures" and seen many medical practitioners, which she talks about in this first chapter - which ends talking about the natural approach and how and why this is the best way for a permanent cure.

The second chapter is all about bacteria and antibiotics. The eBook doesn't recommend antibiotics for a permanent cure but talks about the natural balance of good and bad bacteria, your PH balance and what the effect of antibiotics is on this delicate balance in your body. I think that what she says about the dark side of antibiotics is very relevant!

The 3rd chapter is most likely holds the reason for your purchase (if you buy it). Here she gives the 3 step cure. It is simple yet effective. You could get this information free on the internet from forums etc, but it would take a lot of time and experimentation - which is why this eBook sells so well I guess. I have seen this information on medical and health forums, but it is usually amongst lots of other formulas and supposed cures. The 4th chapter wraps it up and gives more information on herbs that have also proven effective, and information on your diet which plays a major role in preventing the condition in the first place and making sure it doesn't come back!